"The Shoes Stay On"

On the Friday before Labor Day, many years ago, I was excited to meet a friend for a girls’ night out in Los Angeles with dinner, drinks, dancing—the whole enchilada of fun (maybe even some awesome enchiladas). Instead, I was directed by my doctor to go to the closest ER to get an EKG.

I had been feeling a little slow, lethargic, even light-headed. My mother and I met at the ER after work. The doctors told me to change into a hospital gown in order to run a few more tests. I was in a nice brown dress and my favorite new shoes, green and brown silk open-toed with a 4-inch wooden wedge—totally worth the price. I told them, "OK, but the shoes stay on."

It was my way of keeping some sort of normalcy. How could somebody who looked great be sick? Obviously, they were mistaken. The super cute EMT who was poking the IV in me asked, "Do you want me to take your shoes off?" "Nope, I'm still going out tonight." Seeing my perfectly pedicured toes in those gorgeous shoes kept me focused on fun and not on the IV in my arm. He chuckled, “I don't think you're going anywhere tonight." "We'll see."

He was right.

Turns out my heart rate was mid-30s and they were going to schedule an emergency pacemaker implant. Finally, at 4 a.m., they admitted me to my own room in the CCU and I took the shoes off.

That weekend was hell. That feeling was further amplified by a lack of A/C in the CCU during a heat wave. I had to wait until after the holiday weekend to have the pacemaker implanted. It was a wake-up call: My CHD doesn't stop for exciting nights out or super cute shoes. When I tell people about my heart condition and my pacemaker, I often hear "Really? You're so young," or "But, you look so great." CHD doesn't discriminate.

I eventually wore those shoes again. It took awhile. I tried to wait until I was sure I'd be taking them off after a night of fun, not in a CCU. Of course, ultimately, my CHD has final say, but I can still look great... even in the ER.