My CHD Rollercoaster

After recovering from open heart surgery a little over a year and a half ago, I was on a rollercoaster of emotions. I flew from being terrified of complications to rejoicing for the miracle of my life to feeling deep anxiety again with very little buffer in between the emotional turns. Though my surgeon ended my last appointment announcing my freedom to pursue whatever dreams I wished, the traumatizing experience of surgery, the realization of my heart’s vitality and the appreciation for the beauty of life kept me in a whirlwind state.

However, recently the rollercoaster of feelings has slowed and a sense of normalcy now dominates my ride. With a year and a half of strong heartbeats and high energy I am more trusting of the power of the surgery and with each day the confidence in my abilities increases. In fact, last weekend I decided I was ready, both physically and emotionally, to climb a mountain.

Saturday morning I woke up, filled with purpose and pumped full of excited energy, ready to climb Aspen Mountain via the Ute Trail. That energy was quickly depleted as the incline increased, but my determination held firm. I took my time, being passed by both old and young individuals at an almost embarrassing rate, and continued forward.

After three hours of hard work, sweat and many, many breaks, I made it to the peak. As I approached the top I was overcome with gratitude and appreciation for my surgery, the friends and family who had supported me and helped me re-build confidence, and the incredible opportunity I was given to spend the summer in Aspen.

Taking a break from the rollercoaster of anxiety and joy, I realized my ride on the congenital heart disease rollercoaster has slowed to a calmer pace, one defined by empowerment and ability. I know someday I will drift downhill once more and again face my fears and trauma, but for now I am moving steadily along.

In this time of stability I wish to continue climbing mountains, and reaching new heights, both literally and metaphorically. Living life with congenital heart disease is truly like a rollercoaster, but in the straightaways I wish to embrace the full capacity of my abilities, seize the opportunities that come my way, and reach each peak on the horizon.