Posts by Gwendolyn Russell

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Pondering my Heart Defect

by Gwendolyn Russell on Monday, Apr 08, 2013

As I was driving home from my latest doctor’s visit, I began pondering why I have trouble accepting my heart disease. I was born with a heart defect—my mother was unaware of the severity of my illness and she often told me that I was born with a veil over my face—which symbolized that I was going to be someone special. Could it be that I was born blue—with visible signs of a heart defect? I was born at home with only the assistance of a midwife, and no another means of medical attention was accessible.

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Along Came Pacie

by Gwendolyn Russell on Thursday, Feb 28, 2013

On March 30, 2012, I got a pacemaker. I named her Pacie. The first few weeks after surgery, I didn't understand what was happening to me. I vaguely understood the need for a pacemaker, and I struggled with the concept for a few months.

Before my pacemaker implant, I felt like I was living in a fog and it seemed that reality was feigning. I spent most of my days walking around in what appeared to be a dreamlike state.

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Heartfelt Blues

by Gwendolyn Russell on Wednesday, Jan 30, 2013

I would love to jump up and down and say that I'm a survivor who survived a major life event, exclaim to the world how my struggle has made me stronger and given me insurmountable courage, and even offer a vivid explanation of my survivor techniques. But this is not the case. Rather I sit here, a little numb, and ponder what my next treatment will be and think about the loneliness I have experienced.

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